Improve your communication skills become a better listener

Listening, often overlooked, is a vital aspect of the human communication process. While speaking is often practiced and emphasized by many, the art of listening isn't one on which we find people spending much effort. In actuality, listening is easy and can be improved by following just a few simple steps.

Being a good listener means that everything you hear comes directly from the speaker and not from your interpretation of their words. This means that, as the speaker is talking, you are listening to the words as they are being spoken instead of trying to guess the point that the speaker is trying to make. People are often guilty of jumping to conclusions when they do this and, in doing so, they disrupt their listening ability. When jumping to conclusions, the person often doesn't hear the speaker's message because it is blocked out by his or her own assumptions. Good listeners absorb all of the information while the words are being spoken and avoid thinking ahead and forming their own conclusions.

Giving the speaker your undivided attention is probably one of the most important tips to good communication. Concentrate on the speaker's words and avoid tuning out their message. When speaking on the phone, many people engage in other activities such as reading newspapers, checking email and other activities that can distract from the conversation. Many listeners zone out during face-to-face situations by either thinking about their response to the speaker or by daydreaming about something completely unrelated to the subject.

When you allow yourself to be distracted, your listening skills are not what they need to be. Missing a critical point of the speaker's presentation can be the result of just a small amount of distraction. If you can focus your attention completely on the speaker, you will hear all that is being said. In addition, you can ensure that you are being a good listener and are taking in all of the pertinent information.

One technique of being a better listener involves creating mental images of the speaker's words. This is a way of visualization that allows you to really comprehend the words you are hearing. These visualization skills can enhance the way that people process information. By using these mental images, you will help yourself by retaining the information you have just heard. This enhanced and improved comprehension makes you a better listener.

Taking care to note your body language can be another way to be a good listener. You will offend your listener if you engage in body language that lets the speaker feel that he or she is not being listened to. Behaviors such as avoiding eye contact, crossing your arms or wincing can send a message to a speaker that you are not really listening to them. These types of body language or mannerisms can result in the conversation being cut short because the speaker does not feel you are interested in what they are saying.

You can also consider asking questions that relate to the speaker's statements. This technique can also help you to become a better listener. Remember to ask questions without allowing your questions to interfere with your listening ability. If you find yourself focusing on one of the speaker's key points and spending the rest of the conversation trying to think of a question that addresses that point, you will miss a lot of information. Instead, try asking your questions immediately when you think of them. This way, you can have your question answered in the context of the speaker's presentation without having it affect your listening abilities. When you ask questions as part of listening, it allows the speaker to recognize that his or her presentation is being followed and that you are interested in learning more about the topic.

If you practice your listening skills, you will be well on your way to becoming a better listener. Try making a conscientious effort to use your listening skills each time you speak to someone or participate in a presentation. Remain completely focused on the conversation or presentation and try not to guess what the speaker is going to say. Create mental images of the words being spoken and ask valid questions to confirm what you have just heard. Each time you have the opportunity to listen, try to work on these important listening skills.

While listening is not as widely practiced as speaking in the art of conversation, it is just as important. When you are an excellent listener, you will not only ensure that you are receiving information but will assure the speaker that you care about the information being presented and that you understand their message.

The mental game and your burning desire

Everyone has great ideas, goals, un-started business concepts, dreams and unwritten books inside of them. You have to realize that your mind, skills and talents are not limited natural resources. Don’t be denied of your dreams and what you are supposed to accomplish. Remember that you are responsible for fulfilling your dreams.

THERE ARE FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE

Take a look at those around you and reflect on those who have influenced your life the most. What are they doing to your dreams, your esteem and your potential? They are either being destructive or constructive to your future plans. There are four types of people in this world: the Living Dead, the Dreamers, the Achievers and the Exponentially Successful. We have all met the Living Dead. They tend to suck the energy right out of us. They have given up on life and figure that if they can’t be happy, you shouldn’t be either. They will often do everything in their power to impede you from achieving your goals. They love to burst your dreams and remind you of all the inherent impossibilities, your past mistakes and why you can’t achieve what you are aiming for. They point fingers and seek to pull you down because they see you getting closer and closer to what they wish they had themselves. Many don’t tear down your dreams consciously, and they may not even realize why they feel the need to do so. Even in the face of the most intense criticism, you need to have the courage to do the things you know you need to do.

Then there are the Dreamers. Dreamers are full of great ideas. They make many noble attempts at success, but their zeal fizzles before they’ve solidified that success. They have a plethora of projects perpetually hanging in the midway zone. They tend to say “if only…” and “someday…” and “when such-and-such….” These people go through life stuck in first gear. They’re moving, they’re plugging along, but it sure is hard on the engine. They turn up the radio so the thrill of the vision drowns out the groan of the struggling machine.

The Achievers have reached a moderate level of success. They are accomplished, they are skillful, but they have not yet forged into the fire. They’ve climbed the ladder and found a pleasant view, so they’ve stopped short of the thrilling vistas only a few rungs away. They’ve found a comfortable spot, so why risk toppling to the bottom now? They’re satisfied with the success and accomplishments they’ve already gained. Living on past success is easy to do. They think, Why rock the boat? It’s nice to take a breather, but then that breather often grows more and more into their way of life. Let’s just settle for mediocrity, they decide. They refuse to think that there is more to learn. They have made it in their own minds and can’t see themselves going to the next level.

The Exponentially Successful are doing what they love. They enjoy life and others enjoy being around them. Life is exciting and they love all that life entails—the challenges and the joys alike. The Exponentially Successful constantly strive to improve themselves. They learn from their mistakes and from the experiences of others. They read, they learn, they risk, and all along the way, they grow, no matter the situation. They are self-confident and well balanced. They have a passion for life. They know who they are, why they are here and where they are going. These are the people who make massive success look easy. Exponential success is where I want to take you. Now is the time; this is your year.

Take a look around you. Are the people in your life pulling you up or pulling you down? Are they constructive toward your future plans or destructive toward your goals, dreams and aspirations? An important trait exponentially successful people possess is their ability to follow their hearts. It does not matter what other people say or do. They know they are on the right track in pursuit of their dreams. Think what would have happened if Abraham Lincoln had listened to his critics, if Thomas Edison had taken to heart everyone who said his inventions were impossible. What if Bill Gates (while going to Harvard) listened to his counselors and stayed in school? What if Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield listened to the over 100 publishers that turned them down for Chicken

Soup for the Soul and hadn’t gone on to sell over 100 million copies? I could list volumes of similar stories. Ask anyone you know who is successful and I guarantee you will hear a similar story.

THE MENTAL GAME

As I said earlier, it is important to learn and take clues from others who have gone before you and experienced what you hope to experience. But make sure your study and observation of such individuals is only part of the full plate of information you’re trying to absorb. Then step back and view the big picture. It’s easy to get swept up in one person’s energy and enthusiasm, so you have to be careful that you don’t get too excited and follow them mindlessly. Even if duplication of a few successful people’s patterns yields good results, doing so is not going to be the same as if you had drawn the best advice from as many sources as possible and cultivated a personalized success pattern of your own. The more tools in your tool belt, the more equipped you will be to propel yourself higher and higher. Only then will you allow yourself to continuously maximize your present success potential while simultaneously expanding your boundaries to even greater heights. When you unearth this pattern, your passion will kick in like never before and you will begin to recognize the taste of true greatness.

If you aren’t sure whether or not you have chosen the right direction in your own life, don’t panic. We’re going to work through that together. As you read this manual, you will become more and more able to determine your focus, your passion and your direction. There are things in this life you are here to accomplish. Everyone has great ideas, goals, un-started business concepts, dreams and unwritten books inside of them.

You have to realize that your mind, skills and talents are not limited natural resources.

They are not like a computer hard drive or RAM with limited storage potential. They will never run out and are only wasted if you don’t use them. If you don’t fulfill the mission you’re here to fulfill, somebody else will have to do it for you. Don’t be denied of your dreams and what you are supposed to accomplish. Remember that you are responsible for fulfilling your dreams. No one else will perform them the way you could have, and no one else’s accomplishment of them will give you the joy and satisfaction that could have been yours. Until you hold yourself totally responsible, you don’t own your dreams—you are only renting them.

BURNING DESIRE: THE FIRST STEP TOWARD EXPONENTIAL SUCCESS

When you learn to channel your energy and emotions into a burning desire, you are laying the foundation for exponential success. Desire is the first step toward ultimate achievement. Your desire will be so great that even subconsciously you will be giving every ounce that is in you toward accomplishing what you were meant to achieve. There will always be those who scoff and scorn you, calling your dreams “impractical” or “irresponsible,” but in all actuality, it is embracing what’s closest to your heart that will unleash within you your greatest energy and imagination. And just like striking oil, you will experience a surge of greater productivity than you have ever had in your life. It is desire that will allow you to transform mediocre abilities into mind-boggling success that is maximized to heights above and beyond what you ever thought possible. Another word for desire is conviction.

I like this word because it suggests an emotion that is even deeper within, even more driving. Soul-filled conviction has the power to pull you through every possible challenge and give you the strength to scale the highest peaks. So how do you find this conviction and tap into it? As you hone the skills in this manual and use them diligently in your daily life, your conviction will rise within you and become ever clearer. Right at this very moment, you have within you a power plant burning with potential energy. You have the potential to light a whole city, but you are only burning one bulb or lighting one house. The potential is there, and now is the time to tap into it.

Just as a space shuttle expends the most fuel in creating the momentum to leave the atmosphere and soar into orbit, kicking off a new plan towards exponential success also demands the greatest amount of energy and effort up front. Once the shuttle is in orbit, it expends less energy. Similarly, once you’ve acquired the Exponential Factor, exponential success will naturally follow and success will be yours.

The secret - collection of inspirational quotes part 10

It is not he who has lived the longest, but he who has traveled the farthest, who knows the most.

-- Armenian Proverb

To understand things we must have been once in them and then have come out of them; so that first there must be captivity and then deliverance, illusion followed by disillusion, enthusiasm by disappointment. He who is still under the spell, and he who has never felt the spell, are equally incompetent. We only know well what we have first believed, then judged. To understand we must be free, yet not have been always free. The same truth holds, whether it is a question of love, of art, of religion or of patriotism. Sympathy is a first condition of criticism; reason and justice presuppose, at their origin, emotion.

-- Amiel

I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I've been knocking from the inside!

-- Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi

Love one another, but make not a bond of love;

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shore of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf;

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

-- Kahlil Gibran

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

-- William Jennings Bryan

What is a good man but a bad man's teacher?

What is a bad man but a good man's job?

If you don't understand this, you will get lost, however intelligent you are. It is the great secret.

-- Lao-tzu

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

-- George Eliot

I will not permit any man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.

-- Booker T. Washington

Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.

-- Dr. Joyce Brothers

To read more quotes visit: spiritual-simplicity. com

Declutter your life

De-cluttering your physical space can have an amazingly uplifting effect on your mood. Feng Shui experts claim that buildings and furniture store the memories of events in the form of energy, and that by de-cluttering you can clear the energy of historic traumatic events. Whether or not you put any store in that kind of theory, nobody who has ever de-cluttered a space could deny the positive benefits of increasing the physical space in their environment.

However, physical de-cluttering can also have a cathartic effect on people emotionally. When we let go of things we’ve been hoarding for a long time, we often let go of emotional memories we’ve been hanging onto along with them (albeit unconsciously), and so by clearing physical clutter you can clear space in your head and in your heart as well as your home.

Clutter though is not only physical. We can also have mental and emotional clutter blocking the flow of energy in our lives, and clearing this out is guaranteed to help improve our emotional wellbeing. Examples include undone/unfinished tasks; people/activities that drain you of energy; remaining angry at people; busyness - filling up your schedule with activities you feel duty-bound to do, and leaving no time to nourish your soul and refresh your body.

Some tips for clearing your physical clutter:

• Look at your home and identify the areas that need decluttering. Break it down into small tasks that can be tackled over a period of time, rather than one big project to be done in a day. Start small with everyday areas like the kitchen table and build momentum towards the areas you avoid because the idea of tackling them is just overwhelming.

• Go through your stuff and for each item ask yourself Do I love it? Do I need it? Do I use it? If you can answer yes to any of them, it stays. If it’s no to all, then it goes.

• Divide everything into four piles: Keep, Recycle, Donate and Dump. As soon as you’re done, remove the items that aren’t staying straight away and deliver them to their new destination.

• Once your big clear out is done, avoid a new build up by clearing out little and often.

Tips for clearing your Mental/Emotional Clutter:

• Make a list of anything you’ve been procrastinating over, and ask yourself why you have been putting it off. What can you tackle and what can you let go of? When you’re clear on what you definitely has to be done, make a plan and get to it.

• Stop worrying. There is nothing constructive about worrying – it won’t help you avoid the outcome you’re worrying about and it’ll destroy your ability to enjoy the present. When a worrying thought arises, quash it straight away and sing along with me “Everything’s gonna be alright, everything’s gonna be alright…” Focus your energy on what you’d like to happen instead.

• Follow through on promises and commitments. When you’ve said you’ll do something but you keep putting it on the long finger, it drains you of energy. If you can’t or don’t want to see them through, then be upfront about it and withdraw your promise.

• Let go of anger and forgive. When somebody hurts you badly, it’s a normal response to feel anger, and to not want to forgive. But anger is bad for your health, both physical and emotional, so it’s actually in your interests to let it go and forgive the other person. Forgiving them doesn’t mean you have to welcome them back into your life with open arms, it just means letting go of the memory of what they’ve done to you and the feelings that go with it. Maybe the other person doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but don’t you deserve to move on and leave the pain behind?

• Say no to people and activities that drag you down. Instead, surround yourself with people who uplift you and do things that make you feel great!

As with your physical clear out, don’t make this a once-off project or an irregular purge. Develop clutter free habits in every aspect of your life, and you will enjoy an easier flow through life on a continuous basis.

Self hypnosis something to get excited about

In this article today I want to cover a topic that I am very passionate about - Self Hypnosis. I want to cover two important points on Self Hypnosis so that you can understand the concept in more detail. Self-Hypnosis sparks many thoughts in many people and due to the fact that some of these thoughts are going to be misconception, some of the information here may surprise you. I really do hope that you enjoy and learn from what I have to say and maybe even start learning Self Hypnosis to achieve you goals and dreams in the future.

Can you really hypnotise yourself?

I was asked this question just the other week while doing an interview with a local BBC radio station. Funnily enough, this is the question that has been asked by a lot of people that have met me in the last few weeks. Well that answer is YES! In fact that state of hypnosis in natural and we actually use it everyday with out knowing. By knowing this we can ultimately harness that power of Hypnosis and use it to achieve things. See Hypnosis a bit about a daydream. Think of the last daydream that you had that really motivated you to do something. Maybe you were thinking about how great it would be to buy a certain product… And then you found yourself completely compelled and motivated to make your purchase – well that’s Hypnosis in action! Just imagine if you could learn to harness that to get a pay-rise or lose some weight.

Does using Self Hypnosis tape constitute Self Hypnosis?

Well… The quick answer is, NO, however let me explain why. There are two main types of Hypnosis – The first being ‘Operator Guided Hypnosis’ or OGH and the other being Self-Hypnosis. OGH is where there is an outside influence, such as with a tape, CD or Hypnotherapist. With this method you can’t take full control of what you want to achieve as you will want to follow the instructions given to you. Without the tape or any other aids (Self Hypnosis) you are able to guide yourself through your goals and desires. It also means that you don’t build a possible dependence on the tapes or CD’s. This doesn’t mean that tapes and CD’s are negative though, in fact quite that opposite! OGH is often needed for those that may find it hard to practice Self Hypnosis at first.

So there you have it. Did you learn anything? Do you have something that Self Hypnosis could help you with? Do you want to learn more? I sure hope so, because Self Hypnosis is an amazing tool that you can use to achieve goals that may seem truly impossible!

The dead end of resistance

Jimmy had spent many years in various kinds therapy, yet still felt numb and empty inside most of the time. He consulted with me because he hoped that the Inner Bonding process we teach would move him out of feeling so stuck.

It became apparent to me soon after starting to work with Jimmy on the phone that he was deeply stuck in resistance to taking responsibility for himself. His main intention was to have control over getting approval from others. He was a typical “nice” guy – always doing things for others in the hopes that they would give him some approval. Yet on the inner level, he was anything but approving of himself. Instead, he was constantly judging himself, just as both his parents had judged him and themselves.

His internal self-judgment let to internal resistance – an internal power struggle, which kept Jimmy immobilized. In addition, he had deep wounding from his controlling religious background, which led to anger at God and resistance to opening to his Higher Power. He had no close relationships because he was so afraid of being controlled by someone. Sometimes his loneliness was overwhelming to him, yet not being controlled by someone was much more important to him than caring about his own feelings of loneliness, aloneness, and emptiness.

Resistance occurs when not being controlled by others, God, or your own authoritarian inner self is more important than loving yourself and taking responsibility for your own feelings of self-worth. As long as resisting control is your primary motivation, you will be stuck. It is only when being loving to yourself and others is more important to you than whether or not you are being controlled by anyone or anything, that you will be able to move beyond your resistance.

When I confronted Jimmy with how controlling and resistant he was, he was stunned. In his mind, a controlling person was a dominating person – angry, judgmental, demanding. In Jimmy’s mind, he was such a nice guy. He would never try to control others.

“Jimmy, just because you are not angry, critical or demanding, does not mean that you are not controlling. Being “nice” may not be as obvious, but aren’t you trying to control how others feel about you? Aren’t you trying to get approval? And when you are constantly explaining yourself to others – telling others about how nice you are – aren’t you trying to control how they feel about you?”

Jimmy was shocked. In his mind, critical and demanding people like his parents were controlling. I helped him to understand that controlling behavior can be both overt and covert, and his was covert. As long as his intention in his behavior with others was to get their attention and approval – which he equated with love – he was trying to control, while at the same time resisting being controlled.

It was not easy for Jimmy to see this because he had a strong judgment against being controlling, so he didn’t want to see himself this way. He wanted to resist being conscious of him intention to control.

“Jimmy, as long as you judge yourself for the choices that come from the wounded part of yourself, you will not be able to see what you are doing that is causing you so much pain and keeping you stuck. We all have a wounded self that wants to control and not be controlled, and we have all learned various ways of trying to have control over not being controlled and over getting love, avoiding pain and feeling safe. While you needed these behaviors as a child as part of your survival, as an adult they are causing you pain. I suggest that you open to learning about your controlling and resistant behavior instead of judging it. As long as you judge yourself, you will resist the very information that you need due to your internal power struggle. Self-judgment is another form of control, and since resisting control is your primary intent, you keep yourself stuck with your self-judgment.”

Jimmy took a deep breath. Some part of him felt great relief at the possibility that he would stop judging himself and open to learning about taking responsibility for himself instead of resisting and trying to get others to do it for him.

What does blushing have to do with anorexia

Have you ever seen a picture of someone who has had anorexia for a long time? The image usually reflects someone who is really just skin and bones, yet continues to starve him or herself. To someone who has never had anorexia, it is hard to look at such an image and comprehend how the person who is in the picture looks in the mirror and sees a fat person who still needs to lose weight.

Without understanding the psychological aspects of anorexia, it is impossible for someone who sees themselves accurately to understand how distorted the body image of an anorexic is. Because a major part of anorexia is an obsessive and overwhelming fear of being overweight, those with the disease develop a distorted body image. They truly do not see their bodies the way they really are. If you tell an anorexic person that he or she is too thin, the person will believe you are lying to them.

Someone with problem blushing behaviour is not likely to immediately see the connection between problem blushing and anorexia, but there is an important similarity between the two conditions. Problem blushing behaviour has psychological ties as well. Because people who have problem blushing tend to be overly sensitive to the opinions of other people, any time they feel that they are being judged, they start to blush even more.

If you experience problem blushing, you know the overwhelming feeling of shame that sweeps over you when you feel a blush starting to creep up your neck and over your face. But, here is a question to ask yourself. Do you know how your blush looks to someone else? Do you think you look like a sunburned crab to the other person? Or, is it possible that your blushing really isn’t as bad as you think it is?

Before you answer that question, remind yourself that an 80 pound anorexic woman honestly believes that she is fat. She looks in the mirror and sees an obese person. She thinks that when you look at her, blushing or not, that you see someone who is morbidly overweight.

How do you know how you look to other people? When my girlfriend found out that in my audio book, Blushing Free, I comment that my blushing problem reached an all-time high when I first met her, she was surprised. She never even noticed what I thought were the worst episodes of excessive blushing I experienced in my life.

Just like anorexics have an excessive fear of being overweight that distorts their body image, problem blushers have an excessive fear of blushing that distorts their perception of what blushing does to their appearance. I’m not saying that problem blushers don’t blush too frequently. As a former problem blusher myself, I know that problem blushing is real. What I am saying is that as a problem blusher, your perception of what problem does to your appearance is worse than the reality.

As a problem blusher, a great first step toward getting over your problem is to recognize that part of your problem is tied to your fear of blushing. I’m not saying that you are making it up, but I am saying that it is partially in your mind. When you realize that your blushing problem isn’t as bad as you think, and that other people are likely to not notice or not care about it, you’ll be a little bit closer to putting the problem of excessive blushing behind you once and for all.